Some people say they want to be needed.
I don’t want to be needed.
The problem with being needed is that, as soon as something or someone else comes along to fill that particular need better, you become no longer as useful. Especially when it comes to relationships, I think the idea that we should be needed is rather dangerous. It reduces our worth as humans to how well we function for others. We become tools. We must perform a service to remain needed. Our worth is determined by how well we fit someone else’s preconceived desires.
What I want is to be valued. And yes, sometimes we value people because they fill a need in our lives. But value is far more subjective than that, and it’s roots are more emotional. If you think about the objects in your home, many are valued but not needed. We don’t toss them out when they no longer serve a purpose. We create an emotional purpose for them to fill to convince ourselves we need them because, more than need, we value them.
I think it’s important that, in all areas of our lives, we get to determine the direction of our development. If we accept that our worth lies in being needed by others, that power shifts to everyone else. The world around us gets to tell us how well we fit their needs, to demand that we continually change as their demands change. But if we seek to be valued, not needed, then we hold the power to shape the ways we change and grow. We get to exist as our own selves and work at establishing emotional connections based on mutual value.
How many people in your life do you need? How many do you truly value?